I feel like my brain in on a loop similar to Groundhog Day, same thing, just a different day, with the exception that April is not March so I’m back to monthly recaps rather than daily posts.
I was wondering what would happen after making myself write for a month straight, whether it would spark something or just beat what little creativity I had left to death.
It turns out neither one happened, but I’m still sorting out what I’m doing here, and even if I belong here at all.
I used to love blogging. I couldn’t get enough of it whether it be writing or reading blog posts. I still like it these days, but I don’t think it would bother me if some other medium were to take over, whether I would partake in a new medium would be a wait and see type of deal.
A few months ago, as recently as February in fact, I didn’t think I had anything left to say; if I did someone else usually put thoughts similar to my own out on the internet before I could get the words through my fingertips.
It turns out I do have stuff to say, but blogging may not be the best place for it. A podcast or vlog could be a possibility, if I had any interest in the production value either of those would require, which I don’t. In fact, I’m pretty sure I would have a Y0uTube channel by now if I cared enough to learn about the production aspects of it. I do like production, but as soon as editing comes into play, I check out. It’s not for me and I don’t want to look for someone to do it for me, but if someone were to offer, I wouldn’t automatically say no.
So, I’ll continue to write. It just won’t be here, unless it belongs here.
Not one, but two positions I applied for a less than a year ago have reopened. I’m wondering if I should apply again or take the first no as a final no. As I sit here now looking at the exact same requirements I did months ago I can’t say I can see why I didn’t get an offer but I can tell you so much has changed for me, at least mentally, that I’m looking at the same thing fairly differently. However, my brain is still screaming “don’t reapply” because it just seems like a weird thing to do.
I’m wondering, again, what the perfect position would look like for me.
It’s not what I thought it would be if you asked me what it would be when I graduated from high school, or college, or at the end of my volunteer contract.
It isn’t even what I thought it would be at the start of this year, if I’m being completely honest.
It’s not like I don’t have anything in the works. It’s the opposite. I have a lot going on, but it’s all on a timeline that has varying endpoints. Meaning at some point there’s a high likelihood that I’ll have little to nothing to fill my days with, again.
So, I’m doing what every other sane person does, or would do, in my situation. Keep looking for more work, whether it be something else on a timeline or something more long term. It’s quite an experience, one that I keep getting thrown into, and it’s not always positive.
Normally I would take every ouch of bad news and hang onto it for a while. It can take me a few days to “level off,” normally.
Every piece of information that is less than 100% awesome I just think, this is taking me to something greater, and I’m totally fine with that, at least right now, in this moment.
It wasn’t easy getting to this place, and I don’t think this feeling will last forever, but I’m going to take full advantage of it while I have it.