November: A Review

November, the month when life was supposed to be spaced out. No back to back to back meetings in one day, meaning I’m at risk of falling asleep while on Z00m.

Turns out it doesn’t matter how few meetings I have via Z00m there’s still a good chance I’ll wish I could take a nap during the meeting. It doesn’t matter how interested I am in meeting topics. 20 minutes in and I’m struggling to not zone out.

I’m hoping my systems are just trying to recover from the chaos of the last year

I’m hoping that’s what it is, but the pessimist in me is saying that it’s not that simple.

My life is hardly ever that simple, so I don’t expect one of the hardest years of my life to be any different.

Somehow, I blinked, and the month was over, which has both good and bad points.

The holiday season is in full swing, which is usually a huge stresser for me, but this year I’m seeing it as being closer to the end of the holiday season.

More pessimism indeed.

Thank goodness I plan my gift purchasing early or else I’d just be browsing flash sales on Amaz0n during my restless, pretty-close-to-sleepless nights.

It’s been almost a year since I finished school and I’m thinking about going back, unbelievably. I’m not sure why if I’m being honest. I don’t want to spend all my free time writing papers or trying to find time to fit in reading a few pages of an utterly confusing text. But it gave me structure, guidelines, nonnegotiables, that’s the part I actually miss.

I can’t believe I miss saying, “I can’t. I have a paper to write.”

And then procrastinating on actually writing said paper(s).

I think I got too used to writing that I’ve lost what little social skills I had.

This month has brought an increase in debates and disagreements. I can’t say I regret anything that’s happened because I don’t regret anything I said or did that led to said disagreements. People have differing points of view and that’s OK.

What’s not OK with me and makes me want to keep an increasing distance from people is that people feel that because we don’t agree there must have been some misinterpretation, that something was read wrong, taken too personally, etc. Why can’t people disagree and have all parties involved be OK with it?

The year is coming to an end. I can’t wait for it. I can’t see what’s on the horizon either so things are bound to be interesting.

11 months down, one more to go.

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October: A Recap

Can someone please explain to me why life seems to happen in 2 months of the year rather than spread out over the 12 that exist?

No?

OK then.

The month went like this, although nowhere near as linier.

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How was your month?

September: A Recap

This is going to be an attempt at a recap of the past 30+ days. I say attempt because I’ll probably forget something or get the order of events wrong.

Blogging: I haven’t done much, obviously. I intended to make some sort of cutback, but I never made a solid plan. I would sit down to write and not finish anything, and then it just became more natural to not write anything. I needed a break more than I thought I did. I’m not sure if it will continue or not but I’m pretty sure I’ll have peace no matter what conclusion I come to (or stumble towards). I have no idea how I kept up a blogging schedule with full work and school schedules.

Social Media: Every morning I (usually) lay in bed while checking email and scrolling social media. One day I found myself wondering why I followed some people because I found myself on an emotional roller-coaster that I had no intention or even interest in being on, yet there I was. The end result was going through all of the people I follow and unfollowing a good number. I can’t say I feel better, but things feel more manageable.

Books: I’m enjoying making use of public resources, and my bank account appears to be thanking me for it. I have slowed down my reading consumption but I’m still going at a somewhat steady pace. After checking out the wrong book, not once but twice, keeping up to date on Good Reads has become somewhat essential.

Clothing: I have a dwindling wardrobe, on purpose. I was looking for a pair of pants in my closet, and similar to what happened with my social media accounts, I ended up donating half of the pants I owned. I don’t know why I had so many pants because I think I only wear 3-4 pairs on a regular basis. The same thing happened with my sweaters soon after. I’m hoping this trend occurs with the rest of my possessions. Why did I feel I needed so much, because I clearly don’t need most of what I have even after a purge?

Ministry (or whatever you want to call it): I’m still working on my capstone project, even though it’s not really a project anymore. It hasn’t gained the traction I had hoped for and granted I haven’t been able to bring what I had in my head to the web, but it doesn’t feel right to just let it go.

Christmas: I have a fair amount of my shopping done. I don’t claim to be one of the “Christmas crazies” that enjoy starting the countdown to the big day in July, but I find it much easier to have a “shop as you go” approach to gift giving, rather than scrambling for the perfect gift closer to a deadline dictated by a calendar.

Work & Career: This could probably be two separate things but I’m making it one. I’m on the job hunt still writing cover letters and sending out my resume. Things are happening slowly but surely, and that’s fine with me. I made the decision to stop accepting speaking and educational engagements that don’t offer some sort of compensation. I can’t live solely off warm fuzzies an thinking I’m making the world a better place, so I needed to stop doing it.

Friends: They’re all off being amazing and doing amazing things, like this one, so I’m watching things happen wherever I go.

Podcasting: I’m considering a return of sorts so stay tuned, if you’re interested. I am listening to more podcasts, most notably The Catholic Family

Swimming & Other Physical Pursuits: The short of it is, same coach different environment. It’s been an adjustment, and a bigger one than I bargained for so I’m trying different things, for the sake of motivation, until something clicks. I have no idea how professional athletes change coaches and or environments semi-often and seem to not miss a beat.

So that was September. How was your month? Did I miss anything that I should have covered?

Grad School: The 1st Summer After

It’s the first summer of my post-post-grad life. The summer of dreamed of for years has come and is almost over. No, I’m not going back to school, at least not yet. Things haven’t gone how I thought they would. I’d be lying if I didn’t say keeping up this blog is getting harder and hard to do, not because of lack of time, but lack of motivation.

I thought not having school would free my mind, give me the free time I missed, etc.

Lucille Ball was quoted as saying, “If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more you can do.”

I think there’s some truth to this, although not the total truth.

I feel like I could get more done in a day then than I can now, even if I can set my own schedule more often these days.

If you follow me on Inst@gram or Tw!tter you can probably guess what I’ve been doing with my self-controlled schedule.

Perhaps getting back into everyday life is more than I bargained for. Perhaps my brain just needs to rejuvenate and heal, yes heal.

Maybe having more to do meant that I had more to write about.

Whatever the reasoning it’s caused me to reevaluate my blogging and social media practices, again.

I’ve been trying to put together my post-post-grad life, because it’s not something that just falls into your lap, unless you’re incredibly lucky, it’s something that needs to be built, and then crafted.

Things have been changing in my life and it only makes sense that other things will follow. It doesn’t matter what I thought the long game would be when I have to take into consideration what the long game looks like it is now, rather than what I wish the long game looked like.

Everyone Needs A Rabbit

There’s a term in swimming called “being a rabbit.” It comes from dog racing, I think. The idea being to have 2 swimmers race each other, making one push the other to be their best.

I never thought I’d ever have a rabbit so forget about being someone’s rabbit.

At least until a few weeks ago……

I had a few pool-mates heading to a big competition and with nothing on my calendar, at that point in time, I was taking it easy focusing more on technique than speed. The coach was trying to get someone to focus when the magic words came out of my mouth.

“Do you want me to be her rabbit?”

It was an idea. I didn’t think anyone would take me up on my offer.

I spent the next hour “playing rabbit,” a position I never thought I’d be in. Needless to say, I probably wasn’t the best rabbit, because I was focused on my own speed rather than the person I was a rabbit for. Normally this would be an ideal situation (I think) but this was one of those rare times when I probably should have stayed a few stokes ahead rather than more than a few yards.

I considered my time as a rabbit as a “one and done” deal, not because I’m probably not the most ideal candidate, but because of the circumstances. Usually I’m preparing for a meet alongside everyone else, and in all likelihood that’s a more probable situation in the future.

Some time later I watched Cody Miller’s vlog where he specifically mentions the need for a any swimmer to have a rabbit:

Everyone does need a rabbit at times, someone to push you when the motivation isn’t there, when the focus isn’t where it should be, when you just need someone to race (or whatever the equivalent happens to be).

Be willing to see the benefits of having a rabbit and be willing to be a rabbit for someone else.

May The Choice Be With You

I’m finding out that the older I get there’s so much more to learn than I ever thought there would be. I’ve often told my dad that, the older I get the dumber I feel, and most days I mean every word. Surviving Sandy was no exception.

I’ve lived through hurricanes before. This wasn’t my first evacuation either (and if I never have to do it again that’s fine with me). But there’s always room for another first.

I’ve always considered myself a tough person, kind of, when a lot of people tell you something, you start to believe it.

Up until recently my dad was an engineer for a major power company; I grew up knowing that having electricity is a right as well as a privilege.

I learned at an early age that there’s no master switch at your power company that someone uses to turn your power back on.

Going to work with dad often meant hanging out with a crew of linemen and bringing them coffee.

During major outages when it’s “all hands-on deck” my dad even worked as a lineman.

My parents (although largely my dad) have always stressed being prepared. Although a situation may not always be ideal do everything in your power to make sure you can in fact survive.

During my service orientation the concept of “no energy days” was brought up. I thought it was an interesting idea, but I was already giving up internet, cable, and who knew what else at that time. I didn’t want to jump on the bandwagon before I actually moved into the house or talked to my housemates.

Sometime later and over dinner we discussed bills. It was suggested that one person in the house handled the bills. We agreed, but also wanted to be kept in the loop. I for one didn’t want one person telling me what I could or couldn’t do just because they paid the bills.

“No energy days” were appealing. We were all curious as to how far we could stretch ourselves in certain areas. The volunteers from the year before had “no energy days” regularly; I figured we could do it too, and better (although it wasn’t a competition, my brain often made one between the two groups).

I don’t remember many of the details of our “no energy day,” or how many we had. But when it came down to it it didn’t make much of a difference to us as a community, we were already unplugging things when they weren’t being used, we embraced, the fireplace, wearing layers and blankets before turning to the thermostat.

I also lived with a Montanan. For those of you who have never lived with a Montanan let me explain to you just how this impacts your life. They’re like the boy scouts on steroids, at least from what I’ve experienced.

And repercussions of such never leave you; like deciding to stay home in freezing temperatures because you have a mummy bag, plenty of stored up water, reading to catch up on, and a headlamp to read by.

Fast forward to Sandy. Honestly, I should’ve been able to handle it better. I have the skills and the know-how. Living without power, for example, for an extended period of time isn’t ideal but its doable, people survived without phones and TVs and such for hundreds of years after all.

Somehow in the personal debriefing of the situation, and unpacking, and organizing, a thought crosses my mind.

Choosing to go without has a purpose behind it, like self-discovery or solidarity or simplicity.

Going without do to circumstances beyond your control requires more out of a person. It requires just one more thing for you to do without, but it’s the biggest thing most people don’t want to give up.

Control.

Next time you find yourself going without, in whatever form that takes, may the choice be with you.

One More Thing: Next time you have a power outage & you see a crew of linemen out there working to restore your power bring them some coffee (or a thank you card). They not only work hard but long hours (12-16 during major outages) & many of them wouldn’t dream of doing anything else.

*A similar version of this post was written on November 13, 2012

10 Tidbits: A Guest Post

I asked my friend Mary to guest post today. I “met” Mary after the death of Jack Morris when I had the idea to look up tributes people may have put together. Mary’s blog, Finding Joy In All Things, was the first one on the list.

Mary and I were in the same volunteer program in the same year. However, we were in different regions, so our first meeting had to be delayed a while. Each region has an orientation so while I flew off to the great Northwest, Mary was in New York. We probably passed each other at 36,000ft if the dates line up right.

I asked Mary to do a “response of sorts” to something I wrote last year on advice in long term service. It’s pretty awesome. Enjoy.

1. Be gentle with yourself.  This was the best piece of advice I received at orientation.  You will face many challenges this year, and it helps to remember in these situations that you’re doing the best you can.  You don’t have to be perfect to be exactly what’s needed.
2. Your experience is your own.  You’ll hear lots of stories from former Jesuit Volunteers, coworkers, and folks in your city about previous JV communities.  Remember that everybody has a different JV experience, and everybody brings a unique set of gifts.  Let your experience be your own and know it won’t resemble anyone else’s.

3. The four values are yours too.  There’s no JVC police enforcing a specific way of living the values of simply living, social justice, spirituality, and community.  You’re a grown up now, and you can choose how to live your life – including how you (or how you don’t) live out the four values.  They will be much more meaningful if you make them your own.

4. Practice indifference. This is a fancy Ignatian way of saying “be open.”  It’s impossible not to have any expectations or preferences about what your year will hold, but try to be open to whatever your year has in store.
5. Journal. I went through about four journals in my JV year, but I also write too much.  These journals are some of my favorite keepsakes from my year.  I love rereading them and remembering the moments and people that made my year special.   If you’re not a writer, consider taking pictures or drawing or whatever it is you do to remember things down the road.
6. Consider making a house journal. My roommates and I got this idea from an FJV who had a traveling journal that was sent from roommate to roommate after their year ended.  We started our own mid-way through the year, and five years later the journal is still making its rounds.  It’s a nice way to stay in touch with community members after you go your separate ways.
7. Find creative ways to amuse yourself. An $85 a month stipend doesn’t go very far.  To amuse ourselves in an isolated city (Syracuse, New York), my housemates and I played a lot of “full contact” spoons, sardines, telephone Pictionary and spent a lot of time outside.  We learned to find joy and entertainment in simple things like baking, preparing meals, writing letters to other communities, and planning get-togethers with friends in our city.  Even though we were broke, we managed to entertain ourselves.
8. Travel. Especially if you are on the East Coast or have other communities within driving distance.  My community members and I took trips to Georgia, Portland, Newark, New York City, Pennsylvania, Hartford, Ottawa, Watertown, and DC all on $85 a month (see find creative ways to amuse yourself).  Tip: bring food for the car from home and accept hospitality from other communities.
9. Update the folks back home.  When your year ends, it will make a big difference if your friends and family back home know what happened during JVC.  You will meet people and have experiences this year that will potentially change your life, and your transition to post-JVC life will be easier if the folks back home can talk to you about them.
10. JVC doesn’t end at the end of your year. Even though it may not seem like it at certain points in the year, the year of service will not last forever.  Much more of your life will be spent out of JVC than in.  JVC is really just the prep year, the year that will “ruin” you for life, the year that will color the way you see many things for a long time.  Remember that you don’t have to figure everything out this year and that the journey is just beginning.

Bonus: JVC is the “real world.”  I got a lot of flack and heard a lot of jokes about doing JVC to postpone entering the real world; as if JVC was just playing pretend for a year.  I think people equate real with having more than $85 in expendable income every month.  From my experience, JVC was just as real as any other part of my life, and I saw and experienced things I never would have if I had just gone straight into a “real job.”   I’m a better professional and better person because of my year serving in JVC

*Sorry about the formatting. I have no idea how it happened, or how to fix it.

*A similar version of this post was written on August 8, 2013

Things New Volunteers Should Know/Remember

For most of the summer I received emails from the organization I was a volunteer of. Most of them were pretty standard, even the “we still need 3 volunteers, spread the word” email. I was sent the email with orientation information, since all former volunteers are invited, and asked one more thing.

“Do you have a sentiment to share with the new volunteers?”

Yes!

The trouble is it’s hard to put on paper, especially for people just leaving orientation. Your brain is swimming with anything and everything. I knew the chances of something I said sticking are slim. Now had they asked for notes for a volunteer’s first few days/weeks at placement, that’s another story.

Dear newly missioned volunteers,

You’ve probably been at your placements just a few days, even so here are Thirteen Things New Volunteers Should Know/Remember

1. Orientation was like boot camp, but you’re not done, there’s still more to learn. Each. And.  Every. Single. Day.
2. You aren’t there as a fill in or a substitute. You are there because they wanted you.
3. There’s a reason for every workshop you sit though, take it from someone whose housemates are now married (indeed to each other).
4. You’ll have at least one moment during the year that is screaming at you to turn around and go home. Don’t.
5. Find a mentor, at your placement, in your larger faith community, in your neighborhood, it doesn’t matter, just find one.
6. No matter how you decided to handle the holidays you’ll end up homesick, and probably crying at some point.
7. Focus on community; the one in your house was given to you but build one outside of the house as well. Both will make you a better person, and help the other community thrive. You’re in individual who is part of a community, don’t forget.
8. Be open to things you never considered. Say yes when you always thought you’d say no, but know that it’s O.K. to say “No thanks.”
9. Very little will turn out “like you thought it would.” That’s a big part of the beauty of what you’re doing.
10. You will love. You will hate. You will fight. You will be confused. Sometimes all at the same time, and more than likely never over what you thought you would, dishes in the sink, what’s for dinner, who makes dinner, sharing of items, and toilet paper.
11. At least one or you will end up in the emergency room at least once. Consider it a right of passage.
12. Contrary to what you may be thinking (or what other people are telling you), you aren’t there to change the world. You are however going to make the world a better place and that’s just as important.
13. Just when you think can handle your position it’ll be time to leave. It’s O.K.

Bonus 14. For communities where men are a minority, which will be most of them, be respectful of their boundaries, especially when it comes to the purchasing of ladies only items. If they don’t want to buy them on their run to the store DO NOT push the issue.

*A similar version of this post was written on August 16, 2012

On The ADA Anniversary

This week is the anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA)

I’ve often wondered if the ADA creates more problems than it solves for some, if not all, people with disabilities. It helps A LOT, but it also causes a lot of headaches.

I’ve come to realize however, that the ADA isn’t really for people with disabilities. It’s for the people who can’t even imagine what life is like to live with a disability.

Kind of like how birthday parties really aren’t for the people they’re throne for but for the people that go to them.

Kinda.

Without knowing it I managed to grow up just as the ADA was finding its “sea legs,” which probably explains why so many aspects of my life have become, in a sense, easier even though my mobility had had an endless ebb and flow.

I once heard it said that, “those who don’t need the law are truly freed from the law,” or at least that’s the best my brain remembers it as.

The idea being (I think) that we wouldn’t need as many laws (or any) if everyone operated with the same level of moral decency.

As great of an idea as this is I doubt it will ever happen, ever. Sorry all of you who dream of world peace.

It would be nearly impossible for someone to be able to imagine what it’s like to live with a disability, unless they do in fact live with a disability themselves; besides the fact that imagining it and living it are two different things.

That’s why the ADA is so important.

It gives people a clue into what’s needed in order for people with disabilities. Although it should be pointed out that what’s deemed ADA compliant doesn’t mean it’s accessible for those who need it to be, but it’s better than nothing.

(So if you don’t know anything about the ADA or just want to test yourself feel free to read up)

As much as I (and countless others) benefit from the ADA there always seems to be something new to learn.

Such as how many loopholes there are.

Like the loopholes for already existing buildings and/or religious institutions.

As a Catholic who works in a building that’s been “grandfathered in” (multiple flights of stairs and no elevator) I curse such loopholes often.

It would be nice if there were less (or no) loopholes in the ADA but that’s only a short-term dream. Someday I’d like it if the ADA was an afterthought, making it in a sense unnecessary because access for all is a natural thing.

It seems so wildly unrealistic, but I can hope right?

*A similar version of this post was written on July 22, 2014

On Dignity & Disability

I’ve been told that it’s a good idea to set up internet alerts to keep up with the news that may interest me. While I think it’s a good idea and I have come close to doing so on more than one occasion, I’m glad I don’t have any of it. There are plenty of days when I want to pull the plug and throw my computer out without additional influence. Can you image what would happen if articles ended up in my inbox the second they were published? No thanks.

Over the last few weeks there have been a few articles that have grasped my attention and just won’t let go (and raised my blood pressure exponentially).

Please note (and respect) that I will not be linking directly to or mentioning any specific details of these articles. I’m choosing to use my “linking power” wisely.

I’m not expert on dignity but it’s been a recurring topic in my continuous inner dialogue lately. What is it? How does one achieve it? How should you go about protecting it? I think you get the idea.

The issues surrounding dignity or lack thereof and disability are really starting to get to me. I’m not the most diplomatic person (read: at all) & I have a temper, so my first reaction is usually anger and it takes me a little time to get my thoughts out so someone else can know what I’m trying to say and want to listen.

Dignity in regard to disability is not a new frontier. However, it is one that needs exploration by the able-bodied (and those related in any way to someone with a disability). It can be a tricky subject to approach in mixed (ability) company; it probably has something to do with sympathy vs empathy, or other similar topic.

I remember the first article I read that made me question how people saw dignity for people with disabilities. It made me so angry I just sat on my feelings for a while, because I wasn’t “into” being a disability advocate then so throwing my feelings out there would’ve been shocking to everyone. I kept my feeling to myself, mostly, but it’s never left my mind.

I’m pro a lot of things but I draw the line somewhere before preforming medical procedures to stop individuals from growing up, literally, because someone going through puberty and adulthood are more difficult to care for.

It’s a fact of life, disability or no disability. There shouldn’t be a separate set of rules for those with disabilities. That’s the exact opposite of what so many people fight for.

If the same thing were to happen to an able-bodied person masses of people would be up in arms and it wouldn’t even make it in front of an ethics board, never mind be approved by an ethics board.

Let’s not even discuss what would happen if a child were to ask to stay child-sized forever, because I think we can all guess what would happen.

One area I tend to struggle with my thoughts the most is in an educational setting. I’d like inclusion for all, of course, but there are situations when I wonder if it’s really possible. I’m against self-contained classrooms mostly but I’m not completely against them. If you want to reinvent the mold for your child to fit into the mold that’s fine, but not at the expense of other children, that’s not OK. A child needs to be given the best environment to flourish in the long term.

Creating a short-term solution and hoping that it “just might” evolve into a long term plan is not only irresponsible but further proving the long held myth that people with disabilities are handed opportunities because they can’t afford them for themselves.

Let’s not forget about a certain photo controversy that’s become a virtual powder keg of opinions.

To be clear the differences of opinion are with the photo. I haven’t read a single comment from someone with a disability who has a favorable opinion of the photo. At the same time the majority of positive opinions have come from parents (or caregivers etc.) of a child with a disability. While both groups (PwD & parents, etc. of PwD) are part of the disability community each comes to the community with a different point of view.

I will not be talking about the point of view of parents, etc. because I am not a parent and I am not close enough to “the etc.” to be able to speak on it effectively.

Speaking as a person with a disability I can tell you that the photo was an immediate turn off. I’ll often read articles even if the photos turn me off the subject. I’m a visual person so I understand the value of a well-placed visual, whether positive or negative. Sometimes I have to “override” first instinct and give something a chance. However using this particular photo was foul play on the part of journalists and parents.

Just because you’re OK with complete access (and/or are given it) doesn’t mean it’s OK to take advantage of it.

How many pictures have sparked controversy because a parent posted it online? Pictures of able-bodied minors in a diaper or even a questionable outfit are posted every day and someone somewhere always had an unfavorable opinion of it. And if the backlash is big enough social media accounts are suspended.

Why isn’t the same courtesy extended to an older individual who cannot speak for themselves just because a relative or caregiver gives the OK?

And what would happen if someone who could speak for themselves is perfectly fine giving a journalist full access and a similar photo was used? I doubt people would have a similar reaction. In fact I doubt a photographer would even take such a picture.

I’m going to take it one step further (maybe a step too far even). Child predators toll the internet 24/7 looking for images of people, most of them are seemingly innocent images.

People get upset and “cry porn” if a mom posts a picture of a three-year-old proudly wearing her “big girl underwear.” Yet it’s a “beautiful image” to see a disabled 16-year-old wearing nothing but a diaper.

Isn’t this a double standard?

I could probably go on and on with more examples, in fact I know I could, but I’ve said enough, for now.

A friend said things better than I ever could, “because disability is involved, we accept the notion that disability means less-than-human. We must remember that a person is a person, no matter their abilities. Everyone deserves to be presented to the world around us in a manner of dignity and respect.”(source)

*A similar version of this post was written on July 29, 2014