My word for 2015 was Providence
Providence (with a capital “P”) is defined as divine guidance or care, God conceived as the power sustaining and guiding human destiny.
When I picked my word for this past year I was being optimistic. My plate was full, so full, of things I had hoped and prayed for. I couldn’t help but be thankful and think God had a hand in all of it.
But I thought having God in my corner would mean that everything would be great and I’d have no problems at all.
Clearly I was more than a bit delusional.
I started making out my calendar for the coming year by looking over my calendar for this year.
No wonder I feel like I’ve been sleeping for the last few months, because on some level I have been.
I thought Providence would mean I would be happy, and well rested, all the time.
This year has been jam packed, which has had just as many bad points as it has good points.
I thought Providence would mean I wouldn’t have to choose between things that I love and care deeply about.
I thought Providence would mean no hurt feelings, especially my own feelings.
I’m sure there are lessons to be learned from this year that will serve me for years to come.
Have I learned about Providence? I’m sure I have I just can’t see it clearly right now. End of the year burnout now comes with an end of the semester near-nervous breakdown complete with lack of sleep & kicks my “screw you” attitude into a whole other level.
My brain doesn’t want to think so hard right now, and I’m happy to oblige.
That doesn’t mean the year has been completely worthless. In fact it’s just the opposite. I’ve been able to do so much this year I wonder if I’ll ever repeat it, never mind if I’ll ever do better.
I’ll tell you one thing. If I’m ever this busy ever again I’ll be better prepared (or at least I hope to be) because I seriously doubt I’ll be as lucky a second time around.
I have had a year of Providence. It just hasn’t looked anything like I thought it would.