I don’t hope for a cure for Cerebral Palsy. I’m not saying that there is no hope, that one can’t/won’t be found. I don’t hope for a cure because I like who I am. Chances are there will be a cure found at some point, and probably sooner than we think. And that’s O.K, I guess.
I’ve always known I have Cerebral Palsy. I didn’t find out what that in fact means, for real, until a few years ago. I’ve always been uncomfortable with the idea of being healed or cured for as long as I can remember.
It always threw me off when teachers and other parents would call me a wonderful child and then they’d turn around and suggest to my parents that they should take me to some kind of healer. If I was so wonderful than why did I need to be healed? I understand that things aren’t so black and white now, but these were not conversations to be had in front of a child.
Do you know the story in the Bible when a man goes up to Jesus to be healed and people ask him, “How has he or his parents sinned for this to happen?” (That’s the story more or less). I’m not for defacing books, but I’ve always wanted to rip that story out and act like it was never there to begin with. I get the point of the parable; it just dances on my last nerve when I hear it.
God, or whatever you believe in or not, made me this way. God doesn’t make mistakes, right? So what’s to heal or cure?
There were difficult times in my life, probably more than most people have, if you add in all the medical stuff. Do most people feel bad that I had to go through it and I’ll probably continue to? Sure. But here’s what none of those individuals will ever understand, I wouldn’t change I thing for one simple reason.
I am who I am today and will continue to be because of how I’ve lived.
As Jack Morris once said, “Our human task, if you like, is to not flee from the ill-being but to transform it.”
Here’s an idea I’ve had recently that you may have never considered. I know what my shortcomings are, well most of them, without having to think about it too much. I have a disability called Cerebral Palsy therefore my balance isn’t awesome, anything requiring that I have great balance isn’t for me. Neither is anything that requires me to be on my feet eight plus hours a day (that’s a mistake you only make once).
This self-actualization extends to what I’m good at as well. Having shortcomings gives you the ability to develop other skills that make you stand out.
Some people spend most of their lives figuring out what they’re not good at and vice versa. So in this aspect I think I have a leg up on things.
Growing up I used to wish that I was more like the other kids, at first. But once I thought about it the idea scared me. I’ve known no other life. The unknowns of what my life could be scare me more than the struggling I know I’ll endure. I wonder if I’d settle for less if things came easier, something tells me I would have.
The only regret I do have, if I have to name one is not realizing I had a learning disability until I was almost a college graduate. I wish I had known it sooner so I could’ve learned coping skills for it earlier on. I can’t really attribute it to having Cerebral Palsy; although it is true that learning disabilities are more common in people with CP it’s not a hard and fast rule.
I don’t hope for a cure because I don’t need to be cured. I am who I am and that’s who I’m meant to be. It makes no sense to hope for something you don’t want. I have other dreams to hope for so I’ll stick to those.
*A similar version of this post first appeared on an old blog on March 27, 2013