8 years ago my life was at a turning point in my life. I had been in pain for so long and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to do something about it. 2 years out I wrote about the progress after the turn. I thought I would see my life more differently 8 years after than I would 2 years later, although there are a few things that are different now the general sentiment is pretty much the same.
A lot of people see scars as defects, at least detection of defects.
I look down at my scars and see differently.
Just to name a few.
It took a long time to even get to that point 2 years ago.
Lucky for me there are times I’m like a dog with a bone.
Although I did feel like quitting plenty of times.
All I wanted to do was be who I was.
Rewind the clock.
Not be in constant pain.
It didn’t even occur to me that a fixed body would mean possibility & ability to actually become better. Even when the idea was presented to me I had my doubts, actually I didn’t think it was possible, just someone being hopelessly optimistic.
To borrow a line from Soul Surfer, “I don’t want easy, just possible.”
Well someone did, it just wasn’t me.
I was just waiting until I felt back to normal.
But when I wasn’t paying attention I was getting better.
Climbing up stairs without pulling myself up or using a handrail
Stepping off a curb
Being able to dress myself without falling over
Walking backwards & sideways
Stopping at a street corner before crossing
Finally learning to walk with my heals with some consistency
All things most people without much thought at all.
It took a lot to get this far:
1 failed Baclofen trial
10 hours of surgery
Months of PT
Months of Pilates
Self-motivated pool sessions
Weekly one on one gym sessions
2 rounds of Botox
But I did it.
Everyone kept telling me the hard part was going to come after. I have to say they were right, as I’ve said; two years ago, the hardest thing I had to do was take a 10 nap while everyone else either worked or waited on me.
“We’re done,” meant “Your turn kid.”
But like the getting better part, the hard part happened when I wasn’t looking.
As Hemmingway wrote in, The Sun Also Rises, “Gradually, then suddenly.”
If I did this, what else can I do?
*A similar version of this post was written on September 13, 2011