It Takes A Village

I’m pretty sure almost everyone’s heard the saying “It takes a village to raise a child,” at least once in their lifetime.

Earlier this month I had to make a phone call. This wasn’t any typical call and it was meant to be anything but social.

Ever since Botox hit it big as a medical treatment (non cosmetic) it’s been circling my head like a bird. For the past two years the Botox discussion has becoming more frequent topic of my appointments. I’ll admit I was the first one to bring up the subject when it became an option, or I thought, now that someone else has been bringing it up I’ve been doing my homework on the subject and I’m more skeptical about it than ever before. I wanted to attempt to put the Botox question to rest once and for all so I made a phone call.

I don’t usually bring up my surgical history on a simple phone call but this was one of the exceptions. I knew I wouldn’t talk to my doctor personally without it and I wanted, and needed to speak to him personally. Of course the day I call he’s in surgery all day. Why do I always call offices on surgery days? You’d think by now I’d know to make some kind of chart to keep these things straight. I hate calling on surgery days because there’s a lesser chance of getting a call back without some kind of hassle. Most of you may not find this to be true and I’m happy that you have not had to encounter this; however I have found this to be true. Just my luck I guess. So I was pretty close to shocked when I got a call back that night.

Now I have to take a minute to explain my relationship with this particular doctor and what this has to do with anything else in my life, particularly the title of this post.
I’ve known Dr. L for over 20 years, basically my entire life for those of you keeping track. I don’t see him often, but when the shit hits the fan I often consider his opinion, whether he’s called or not. He’s basically like “The Godfather” of my medical life, although I’m pretty sure he’d be uncomfortable being called that. He’s basically the person who’s had the biggest impact on my life as I know it, parents not included. So his opinion on things that everyone has varying opinions on really matter to me. Not to mention I don’t want to do something that would do more harm than good.

Once I have him on the phone I forget my entire bit and ramble a little too much. He probably didn’t mind, or even notice, but I was mentally kicking myself. So I explain the situation to the best of my ability, which at the moment wasn’t anything close to my typical level of articulation.

He didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear but he told me what I needed to hear, which is just as good. The Botox decision is purely mine. He did remind me that it is a temporary treatment. When I said I am always looking for something permanent, O.K. so I pretty much blurted it out in an effort to get a more definite answer, he said I should look for a surgeon.

So I kind of got the answer I wanted to hear….
It’s kind of nice that he considers me to be “adult enough” to make my own decisions.
(That may not be how he intended things to go but that’s how I’m choosing to take it)

With business out of the way we moved on to other things. It was mostly me, but he went along with it. I’ll spare you of all of the conversation because most of you reading this don’t know my medical history, so this could be somewhat shocking. Also, I don’t want to violate some kind of privacy boundary between him and me. If you want to know more of the story, leave me a comment and I’ll write about it at a later date.

The thing about knowing someone for most of your life, without them being considered part of your family is they still have memories of you with their own special twist. You wouldn’t think an “outsider” would have one such memory never mind a few.

As he was telling me a story about myself as a toddler, one that I’d never heard before I might add, I have a funny thought. “It takes a village.”

Anyone who’s ever spent any significant time around children; parents, teachers, nannies, etc, will tell you that it does take a village to raise a child, or some sort of communication and cooperation with everyone involved in the child’s development, at least. I hard to learn this first hand, I’ve sometimes called it “the hard way,” working in childcare. Whenever someone asks me what the hardest part of the job was I will, almost always, say the parents. The families I served were pretty amazing, but it wasn’t always easy building a relationship with them. It’s like friendships; some are easier to build than others.

I’ve always known that Dr. L played an important role in my life. I just didn’t realize how much until I talked to him again and he just happened to share something more personal, it really was a cute story and it would be just as cute even if it wasn’t about me. He’s part of the “village” that helped raise me and become who I am today. It’s sort of unreal to be able to admit that. A few times I’ve had the thought of what would have happened to me without him. It’s true we could’ve found someone else. But then would things turn out as well? How many people can point to one person and say they’ve probably had the biggest impact on their life? I don’t think the number is really that high, although some might disagree. I think I’m one of the true people that can point to one person and say that without them things would not be the same.

Realizing this connection gives me hope that I’ve had some kind of impact on the “My Kids.” I know I did, but it’s mostly due to the feedback I got from coworkers and parents. I wonder if they’ll remember me when they get to be my age, and I doubt I’m alone in this situation.

It’s really true what they say, you never know what kind of impact you’re going to leave on someone, especially a kid. It really is an amazing thing.

I’m so proud to be part of hundreds of “villages.” I hope I served them well.

*A similar version of this post was written on October 31, 2008

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