Why I: Joined A Discernment Group

Ten years ago I was looking to make a fresh start after a near crash and burn of my academic career & a list of personal issues. (Side note: The fact that I started college more than a decade ago makes me feel kind of old.)

Here’s what’s awesome about going to a university with an active campus ministry:

There’s always something going on.

It’s almost kind of ridiculous how much stuff you can be involved in (or not).

At the time I wasn’t a practicing Catholic, in fact I was still in the recovery from Atheism phase of things, because that kind of journey practically requires a recovery period. I called myself a Christian but I wasn’t ready to “drink the Catholic k00l aid” just yet.

I steered clear of any organized group outside of the theatre department my freshman year and I was reconsidering that plan for sophomore year. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, so I didn’t want to do the same thing.

There are always plenty of things to do in a theatre/drama department as well. There are always “other duties as assigned” (to put it one way) or a friend is working on some sort of project at all hours so if you want to see them it’s best to go to them (and then you end up helping on the same project, somehow). But I didn’t want to be a “drama kid,” at least not exclusively.

At some point during orientation, sometime after neighborhood orientation, I huddled into the campus ministry office with other new students to hear their “sales pitch”. This was some place I wanted to be involved. I knew that from visiting a friend earlier in the year. The how was the part that needed to be determined.

I’m not a try everything once type of girl but that’s pretty much what ended up happening. The first few weeks the only thing I had second thoughts on was solemn adoration; anything labeled solemn or somber means I’ll laugh uncontrollably. I needed to be better versed at adoration before the sound was turned off.

The first group I showed up for (I think) was women’s group. I loved that group. In fact many of the ladies I met thanks to that group I’m still friends with today (maybe I’ll tell you about that someday).

The next night discernment group would be meeting. I had no idea what “discernment” was but I figured it would be similar to women’s group so I showed up.

I probably should’ve looked up what discernment was before I decided to go to the group. But if I did I probably wouldn’t have gone.

Instead of sitting in the lounge area we met in the prayer room. And instead of one of the campus ministers facilitating there were two nuns, from The Little Sisters of the Poor (an order I knew nothing about, but have come to love dearly).

At some point during the hour I realized I was in a room full of ladies who were considering becoming nuns. I was in the wrong place, but I didn’t want to get up and leave (for fear of embarrassment only).

I may have countless sisters these days, but back then I had only known two, and the impression they left wasn’t one of full warm & fuzzy memories.

I left that night thinking I probably wouldn’t go back (because I wasn’t even in the same hemisphere of that life path) but when Thursday rolled around again I did. I’m still not sure why. The funny thing is I kept going. I think I only missed a few meetings during the year, when being a drama kid had to take a front seat.

I even went the night when we’d be saying the Rosary most of the time. When I grasped even less of it than I do now & I had to borrow a Rosary from the spares that someone always seemed to have on hand.

For me it wasn’t about discernment, at least not at first, it was about meeting people who just might be like minded. When that didn’t work out so well it was about having concrete examples of what I might aspire to. Not to mention meeting some religious sisters who were not only nice, but they went out of their way to invest in others.

I will never ever forget that Sister Mary David told me it was perfectly fine to fall asleep during adoration “because the Lord knows you need your rest.”

Never mind that I had agreed to sit up with the blessed sacrament only to fall asleep face down on a futon that was in our makeshift retreat chapel.

My original intent couldn’t have been any more off. However I think I got a lot more out of it than I realize (yes, even now). I made a mistake in judgment but it was one of the best mistakes I could’ve ever made (especially given my history with mistakes).

Even if I have come to have a love/hate relationship with the discernment process.

*A similar version of this post was written on September 4, 2013

Kilimanjaro

I love mountains.

I love looking at them. I love wondering how many people are climbing them at that very moment. I love thinking about how many people have climbed them. I love thinking about how many people will be repeat climbers (or hikers).

Even so I have healthy limits.

I know portions of Rainier are attainable as are Olympus.

Kilimanjaro is off limits.

Really cool, but off limits.

I hate treadmills.

From the first time I was ever put on a treadmill I’ve hated them. For some reason it became the first step to attempting to transition a patient from PT to a self driven exercise program, kind of hard when no one could come up with anything other than a walk on a treadmill.

When the treadmill first came up while at the gym, because we usually discuss to some extent before do, I divulged my hatred for the machine, it bores me to death. I need to be entertained to some extent while on a treadmill.

If I could pull an Oprah and play scrabble on my iPad while walking that could work.

But that would require an iPad.

And the ability to spell.

Maybe that wouldn’t work so well.

So the treadmill is used sparingly, because the word, “bored” is right up there with “can’t” or “no.”

Even so every few weeks or so I get on the treadmill (with the trainer or exercise physiologist standing by because I will get off) because it’s one of the few ways my glute muscles will actually get going (or “fire.” “Firing” muscles are always a good thing, so I’m told)

What is done on the treadmill is usually left for when I’m actually on the treadmill, and most of the time it’s for very good reason:

“I call this Kilimanjaro.”

(I clutched the treadmill to override the urge to jump off of it)

Apparently “Kilimanjaro” means for every minute on the treadmill you increase the incline by one. Then you do it again.

(I think, I deliberately wasn’t watching the settings change. I just walked.)

It takes about 20 minutes.

(The longest I’ve EVER been on a treadmill. EVER)

Do you want to know the most shocking part?

I didn’t die. I didn’t even want to die by the end of it.

I just wanted to be done for the day.

(Which didn’t happen)

I’ve done my Kilimanjaro. What’s yours? Have you done it yet?

*A similar version of this post was written on January 28, 2011

A “Fit” ting Realization

I’ve made a few changes in my fitness routine. I won’t go into the details because I don’t know how much of the new will “stick” and how much of the “old” return, or if at all. It’s also more complicated than just feeling the need to change things up; although that was part of it.

In the midst of all of the change and transition I’ve realized something about myself.

I would make the worst workout partner on earth, possibly the universe.

Exhibit A: I’m on an elliptical next to someone else on an elliptical. I’m barely able to keep the machine going under my own power. That someone else inches from me is going close to 100 rpms (or whatever) while texting full conversations and listening to an iPod, like it’s no big deal.

I realize we look like an exercise infomercial, and he has no clue what he’s doing (and how his actions may be effecting the self-image of others.

I resist the urge to push him off the elliptical, mostly due to my personal safety (balance) than any other repercussions.

Exhibit B: I’ve just finished up a few minutes on the recumbent bike. A feat that would have been laughable not that long ago but now I can keep a steady (albeit painfully slow). The seat also has to be “just right,” pretty much the ultimate short people setting but not quite. I hear a lady behind me say she hates the bike (can’t say I blame her) because she’s too short (she’s actually a little taller than me). I think, she’s going to be pretty surprised when she realizes she’s going to have better luck today.

I watch her out of the corner of my eye and she peddles twice (or maybe it was four times) and quits.

I resist the urge to give her a five minute lecture on how it took me years to do what she just did and she gives in, because she probably surrounds herself with people who allow her to throw in the towel far too soon.

Exhibit C: I get to the pool 5 minutes “late” (5 minutes after opening) so all the official lap lanes are taken. I “trudge” down the pool ramp wishing it was deep enough that I could roll my wheelchair to the edge of the pool and “jump” in.

The lady in the lane next to me is doing “the old lady dog paddle.” She shouts to my mother (who has to bring me to the pool because of a lack of automatic door openers) that she forgot to close the door (the door closed by the time she got back to it). She does 2 more laps before getting out of the pool. She uses the ladder (which happens to be in my lane), she almost kicks me in the head in the process.

I stop myself from wanting to shout at her about noticing an opening a barely open door yards away but she can’t manage to keep her heals within striking distance of my eye.

Exhibit D: I’m using the upper-arm bike trying to keep a pace in the 50s rpm range. I realize I’m actually keeping steady in the mid-60s without much difficulty. Someone is using the upper-arm bike next to me.

It doesn’t take me long to realize I’m trying to out due them, without knowing how far they’re going or who they are. But I did get to 70 rpms.

Exhibit E: Lest we forget why I spend the extra money (which I don’t really have), because I’m not the best person to be left to their own devices. For all intents and purposes I need a “babysitter,” because if you tell me to do 3 sets of 10 of anything and walk away I’ll just make it look like I’ve done 3 sets of 10 & then lie to you about it.

But at least I’m honest about my dishonesty, within reason.

Exhibit F: Even when I win (a board game, cards, anything) I don’t consider it a real win unless it’s by a fairly large margin.

My name is Sarah, and I think I have a problem.

*A similar version of this post was written on October 15, 2014

 

A Deck Of Cards

I was sitting in a prospective student orientation hearing school statistics. In an effort to create a diverse school environment administrators had percentages they tried to maintain. It didn’t take me long to figure out my admission would be a slam dunk.

And it was. I was admitted; attending was another story.

It’s my first memory of thinking that my “different-ness” could be an asset.

It took me a few years to realize that this was indeed a disturbing thought for a 4th grader to have. That doesn’t mean that there were/are situations where this fact holds true.

There are times when I’ve tried to use having a disability to my advantage. Once you let the genie out of the bottle there’s no getting it back in, so you have to be careful..

 Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.”–Josh Billings

 Some time during high school I realized that my life was like a deck of cards. Sometimes my disability can be my ace in the hole. Sometimes it’s a joke(r). Other times it’s just another card in the deck.

I’d like to say that most often it’s just another card in the deck. Honestly that’s what I’d prefer. However that’s not how the world works, at least not now, but maybe someday.

I don’t walk around highlighting the fact that I have Cerebral Palsy. Just uttering the words “Cerebral Palsy” leaves people dazed and confused. It does open the door for educational moments but most of the time I don’t have the time, or the energy.

When it comes to day to day living I keep things as general as possible, but it’s pretty obvious I’m in the “otherwise abled” category. I prefer to see myself as just another one of “the guys” for a lot of reasons; a big one being I don’t want to hold my disability over people’s heads.

Think of “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” story we’ve all heard. If I brought up having Cerebral Palsy all the time what would that do? It would raise awareness, but would that be for a greater good? I doubt it.

There have been times when I’ve been looking for employment when I wondered if full disclosure would actually work in my favor. I mean companies put disclosures at the end of applications for a reason (& I’m sure they have quotas to fill, just like that school).

There have been times when I really wanted “that” job so the thought of using my different-ness as an asset crossed my mind. But how does someone do that without the potential for backfire?

I’d rather be the best one for the job when compared to other candidates. Not the candidate that filled a quota. I really don’t want to be the person who can’t do a job that everyone knows was a pity hire. (I’d rather not have a job if that’s how I get them)

Having a disability does leave room for other abilities to develop. It’s one of the best reasons to have a disability, in my opinion. As tempting as it is to broadcast my disabilities/abilities for my own advantage, it’s more important to show what I can do and let the work speak for itself.

Life is a deck of cards. Play them well.

*A similar version of this post was written on March 6, 2013

Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day

I’ve made no secret that I’m not the biggest fan of awareness days, yet I feel obligated to participate in them. Tomorrow is National Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day in the US, not to be confused with World CP Day which occurs during the fall.

Last year there was (finally) a senate resolution officially designating March 25th as National Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day.

I’m not one to keep up the daily goings on of the senate, or any other governing body, so I don’t usually read official documents, but I read the resolution to see what it entails.

S.Res. 400 is a bit of a disappointment, unless I’m misunderstanding the purpose of senate resolutions, and if that’s the case someone please feel free to explain it to me.

All it says is what we already know, or information that can readily be found during a basic internet search.

I was hoping for something more, even just a little bit more.

I know the government is deeply divided but if this has become standard operating procedure in order to get our elected officials to agree to known facts than maybe we need to reexamine how things are run and who we are electing to run things.

So the government needs to agree that a condition that’s been around for 100s of years before agreeing that it needs recognition. Does this not sit well with anyone else, or is it just me?

We have a resolution that says tomorrow is National Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day. But what does that really mean? More importantly, what comes next?

march-25th-is-like-and-share-cerebral-palsy-awareness-day

*A similar version of this post was written on March 25, 2016

Confessions From A CP Adult

I’ve started this post about half a dozen times. It doesn’t happen to me a lot, at best I reorganize but this is one of the few blank slates. Most of my CP related posts I don’t come up with on my own. They usually start with a tweet, a post, an email by someone else, or a conversation with someone.

Rather than do a full on post explaining every detail I can think of about one CP related topic I wanted to get real, as in the real me living with CP. This may hurt a little, just so you know.

* I use my wheelchair more often than I probably should. Sometimes I just find it to be more socially acceptable. I also like being able to board planes first & having active duty service members follow me, especially Marines (although I dislike when they call me ma’am).

* It’s easier to explain why you use a wheelchair than explain why you walk funny.

* I have CP. I don’t suffer from it. The only thing I suffer from is misunderstanding, misjudgment, and plain old idiocy……..of other people.

* Not everything a person with CP does should be labeled inspirational. “Milestones” like getting your license or graduating from high school (and at this point even college), getting a job should be considered expectations.

* We are no one’s hero just for being average. Average is the goal. Leave it at that.

* “The R word” doesn’t bother everyone (like myself). However it does bother a whole lot of other people so just take it off the table, along with every other word that makes people with disabilities look bad.

* Just because someone has a disability doesn’t mean they don’t have loads of abilities in which you lack. Think about that.

* It is in fact possible to take advantage of having a disability (see my first point). I don’t do it often. I feel its “bad for business,” so to speak, to do so, but that doesn’t stop me. Every membership must have some benefits after all.

* It’s typical to be asked questions (and/or stared at), even a few that are completely asinine, but it can get annoying. Most people don’t mind answering them, please be thoughtful, and don’t get mad if someone doesn’t want to answer your question(s). The internet is great for finding answers, if you haven’t heard about it.

* People with CP are individuals first, just like the “average” person. Therefore we do not all have the same job, living situation, or social circles. Suggesting a desk job for someone simply based on your perception of their limitations is like giving someone a life sentence for a lesser crime (bad analogy, I know, go with it).

* CP is one of the most common childhood disabilities; therefore it’s pretty common for adults too. A small group of people know this; it can feel like a smaller group of people actually care.

* It’s amazing how common CP is, yet how little people actually know about it.

* The last thing someone with CP wants to do when suffering with a non CP related health crisis is explain to everyone what CP is. Treat the crisis then have an educational moment.

* Sometimes I avoid situations because of the social pressure to be a role model when I just want to be myself.

* I’m a person first, please treat me like one.

* It’s possible to forget you have CP with nothing to compare it to you’re constantly living in a normal all your own. Sometimes it takes passing a mirror for my brain to actually get it so for low maintenance girls (like myself) I can go days without really seeing myself in a physical sense.

* Not everyone is into adaptive sports (or other activities). That’s O.K.

* Few people with CP have friends with CP. I have friends with other disabilities/medical conditions but they were not sought out. They came into my life. Some became fantastic friends, others I’ve wished well and gone on my way.

*A similar version of this post was written on October 2, 2012

It’s Not Easy Being Green

When you think of March what color do you think of?

I’m guessing green since St. Patrick’s Day is in March & St. Patrick’s Day is all about green (at least the “rated G” version is).

Guess what color Cerebral Palsy awareness is?

Green.

I believe I have figured out one of the barriers of raising awareness for Cerebral Palsy.

Allow me to take you through my thought process.

October is breast cancer awareness month.

The color for breast cancer awareness is pink.

A color most associated with October is orange, due in large part to Halloween.

Would breast cancer awareness be as big as it is if February were its month?

Something tells me the answer is yes, but it’s still something worth considering (especially for the sake of this argument).

There are too many similarities in the basics of St. Patrick’s Day & CP awareness. There’s not enough curiosity of “check it out” factor to make awareness easier (but that’s just my opinion).

There’s also been talk of why green is the color for CP. Green happens to be one of my favorite colors so I have no problem with it, but I know not everyone is a fan.

I’m curious as to why March ended up being CP awareness month. Let us also remember that the r-word day and Down syndrome day are also in March.  It just seems kind of odd that a lot of disability related awareness is in one month. If this was on purpose then why isn’t March “Disability Awareness Month”, which is actually in October (or has that now been deemed “Disability Employment Month”).

Is the confusion part sinking in yet?

I’m not suggesting that we change CP awareness’ color or its month. It’s too “late” in the game for that. Changing any of those details now would just add to the confusion and just continue to feed into the attitude of “un-awareness”.

So what’s a community to do?

The answer is easy.

It’s the execution that’s more difficult.

The good thing about the CP community is that all its members are used to difficult. It’s practically in our DNA.

The solution?

Be the loudest group.

However, it’s not a “he who yells loudest wins” situation (although that would make things slightly easier).

The CP community needs to be the loudest but it also needs to be the smartest (as well as the stubbornest).

The odds are stacked against the CP community. They always have been, and for way too long.

I think Kermit the Frog said it best, “It’s not easy being green.”

*A similar version of this post was written on March 26, 2014, March 17, 2015, March 17, 2016

Gifts Of CP

People think that having CP I must be “less than” the average person; or more common, and even more inaccurate, that I feel as though I’m “less than.” So to prove the average person wrong here are some of the gifts of CP, and some reasons.

Life Outside The Box- Let’s just let the cat out of the bag here, a person with CP does not function like the average person. It’s impossible. You have to live life outside of the typical box your peers find themselves in. I know a lot of people get down about not being typical but I find a certain level of freedom in it.

Rebellion- People are always telling you what to do, or what they think you should do, or via versa. But a healthy sense of rebellion helps shut out the naysayers.

Faith- This may seem like a given, given my background but I’m not talking about faith in a god, just faith in something, especially yourself.

Creativity- Life outside the box certainly takes some creativity. Everyday tasks can sometimes be interesting, like navigating stairs or reaching into cabinets. Whatever works for you just go with it.

Ignorance- This is one of those qualities that rarely has a good application, but if you don’t know you can’t (or shouldn’t) do something why not go for it? Sometimes ignorance leads to bliss.

A Fresh Start- CP doesn’t get better or worse but how it effects a person changes throughout their lifetime. I’ve often told people I’m never sure which body I’ll wake up with from day to day. People usually take this to be a bad thing but what few think about is the opportunity to start over every day.

Humor- I feel like this one is pretty obvious, but I’ll try to explain it anyway. You find yourself in some pretty unbelievable circumstances & if you can’t find some humorous aspect of it you’re sure to go nuts.

Authenticity- I’ve often heard people complain that those with disabilities don’t seem to have as many friends as those who don’t have a disability. That isn’t always true but when it is the authenticity of friendships makes up for the lower number. Not to mention the fakers don’t typically stay around long, sometimes it’s their choice, sometimes not.

Self Reliance- Life ends up being what you make of it. You can’t rely on others to make you happy, even if you tried who would you look too? Not only do we have family & friends but often a team or doctors & other specialists too. You can ask for opinions but when it comes down to it you have to decide for yourself.

Determination- A lot of typical “growing up stuff” like riding a bike or learning to drive doesn’t come easily to those of us with balance and/or depth perception problems. But with enough time & sheer will power it happens.

Acceptance- This is one of those overused terms, but accepting you have CP is one of the best things a person can do for themselves. Although it is something that has to come with time that can’t be forced. Life gets easier once you’ve accepted that you have CP, but it doesn’t define who you are.

The Element Of Surprise- People often have misconceptions about what a person with CP looks like. A good thing about being classified under an umbrella condition is that the element of surprise is on your side.

Teamwork- Going along the lines of “it takes a village to raise a child” sometimes it takes a lot of people to help someone with CP. As with any group of people it takes a certain level of teamwork for things to go smoothly, or as close as you can get to it.

*A similar version of this post was written on March 15, 2012

Of Ice & Pies

I admire what the Ice Bucket Challenge has done to bring awareness to ALS. However, I was completely over seeing videos take over my feeds within a matter of minutes.

I’d don’t have objections to “fundraising stunts,” I really don’t. Anyone who has ever been involved in soliciting donations knows anything that can get money (and attention) is good, almost.

I know funds from ALS research are at an all-time high, even after the hype of the Ice Bucket Challenge has long died down. I’m not going to try and tell you that I have a problem with that, because I don’t (you’d have to be a certifiable loon to have a problem with raising money for underfunded research).

However, the whole thing seems so backwards to me.

The object is to NOT want to pour ice water over your head. Therefore, you donate money.

Your F@cebook feed SHOULDN’T have filled up with videos of people dumping ice all over themselves.

Right?

Well apparently not.

There’s also the issue of ALS awareness, as in, what ALS actually is.

It, like CP, is greatly misunderstood.

(What is it about neuro –muscular conditions? It feels like “misunderstanding” is part of the conditions themselves.)

While I’m not the biggest fan of disability simulations on the whole I think any fundraising “stunt” should bring awareness to the actual condition. ALS does not make you cold as ice/ice water. It does however rob a person of any and all muscle usage.

I should also tell you that the (F)JV that’s still alive and well inside me has a real problem with wasting water, especially when areas of the country are experiencing severe drought. It’s probably not as drastic as one of those “cutting off the nose to spite the face” deals, but I think you get where I’m going with this, if not just think about it for a while.

I have watched (and posted) few ice bucket challenge videos (or relevant posts) so I’m not entirely blame free here. So watch Father Kyle Sanders’ video & read Maria Johnson’s post if you want to know what I consider “cream of the crop” of all this mess.

I’ve heard rumblings of wanting to do “ice bucket challenges” for other illnesses/conditions, even now. While it’s tempting to “strike while the iron is hot” there’s also the danger of “fundraising fatigue,” not to mention lacking originality and creativity.

Speaking of striking while the iron is hot, there was another “fundraising stunt” going around the interwebs not long after the ice bucket challenge. I’m not that familiar with it so you’re going to have to cut me some slack if I get some of the details wrong.

It involves CP funding & pie.

As I understand it you’re “tagged” and you have to donate $10 to CP research and hit yourself in the face with a pie within 24 hours, if you don’t you donate $100.

It gets points for originality, thereby partially, avoiding “funding fatigue,” but I can’t say I’m all “gung ho” for this either.

(F)JV me isn’t too happy about the waiting of food thing. People in the world are starving, and you’re throwing food in your face? Not too cool.

I also come from a family who holds pie in the highest regard. My grandmother made apple pie that’s the stuff of legends, literally. She died when I was a toddler so I never got a chance to taste it for myself, or if I did I don’t remember it. I’m sure Grandma wouldn’t be too crazy about her favorite grandchild participating in any event that involves pie, unless you’re going to eat it.

Although I have to confess, I wouldn’t mind if my social media feeds had a few “pie in the face videos,” if for no other reason than to be proven wrong.

As much as I hate seeing pie be wasted, I would love to see people trying to bring awareness and funds to CP; because as much as I don’t want to cure CP I can’t deny that treatments and assistance for those who need it just isn’t there (speaking from experience).

I  saw less than 5 pie videos appear on my feeds (I saw more than that, but indirectly, not through original posts or shares). I won’t lie; I wish CP would become the “next big thing” to support, even if it’s just for the day, because sometimes life gets lonely when people aren’t giving you the time of day (especially if you’re an adult).

Throwing a pie in your face doesn’t tell you anything about what it’s like to live with CP either. If you want to know what it’s like to have CP ask someone who has CP, while every case of CP is unique to the individual, you’ll get an idea.

So what’s the point of all of this seemingly senseless rambling?

Save your pie for dessert & your ice water and buckets for summertime fun, putting out actual fires, or gardening.

Get out the checkbook (or debit card) and give your money, or better yet your companionship

*A similar version of this post was written on September 19 & 24, 2014

BYOC

What does one do when injured by a chair and needing to be extra careful about posture?

I’m fortunate enough to have a chair that’s build for me, meaning it’s designed as specifically as possible to my unique posture needs.

I’m talking about my wheelchair.

There are additional benefits to having a wheelchair that people don’t think about, and this is certainly one of them.

Having somewhere to sit that you know won’t cause pain or discomfort doesn’t seem like a big deal, but for some people it is.

You’ve heard of BYOB? Sometimes I BYOC

This isn’t a new thing for me, but as the years pass I find more times when it is beneficial.

Once I remembered I had the BYOC option I remembered the 1st time I write about the topic.

____  

The holidays always make me think of recovering from surgery. My last surgery was in September, the one before that January, my SDR was in October, and I even had a large birthmark removed during the holidays one year.

Did you know some surgeons frown on having surgery requiring a long recovery period in the summer? Something about being more inclined to be more active in warmer weather, I think.

Three years ago (almost to the day) I was given the O.K. to stand up. So I did. I’d love to tell you that I strolled out of the clinic that day but it doesn’t quite work like that when you’ve spent months off your feet at all costs.

This wasn’t the first recovery process I’ve dragged my family though but this one has been different than the others, at least to date. This one involved the shouting, “Come get Sarah in the house,” for one thing. And even that became shockingly normal after a few tries.

I thought I’d be “up and around” by Christmas that year. A month was enough time to learn to walk again right? (Plus it wasn’t my first time at this rodeo either) I wasn’t thinking I’d have to maneuver a wheelchair though a house crammed full of people.

But when the day came I was still relying on wheels to get me from point A to point B so my cousins carried me into the house. I rolled in and quickly turned to the left.

Christmas day in my family is legendary. There’s a running joke that if you return for another Christmas you’re probably going to stick around for a while.

We’re the only family (that I know of), that won’t go buffet. It’s “not how Christmas should be,” we all have to sit down at the table and eat, together. The table runs the length of the dining room, literally. So if you walk in the “wrong” entrance you walk into the table.

I’ll admit it’s an intimidating table, and this is my normal.

Trying to fit a wheelchair at a table that’s had to adopt the mantra, “just because a plate can fit there doesn’t mean a person can;” have I mentioned that we have to borrow chairs from other people/places in order to make this work?

So fitting a wheelchair at a Christmas table……

Thankfully my request was honored and I was privileged to sit on an end. It was pretty easy actually.

This one year my cousin brought his girlfriend to dinner. She was trying to be polite asking my cousin questions as quietly as possible. I say she was tying to be quiet because it’s impossible to do anything without someone noticing when you sit that close to each other.

“How many people are here right now?”

My cousin looks down the table and makes an educated guess, but his younger brother (& one of my carriers) and I overhear the guess and feel compelled to jump in, it’s what we do.

“We needed 29 chairs, so there are 30 people here.”

“That makes sense 29 chairs, plus me, so yeah 30 people”

“If we needed 29 chairs then there are 29 people here.”

“No there isn’t, I brought my own, so it’s 30”

I just had to throw a joke in there somewhere, because all of us trying to do math isn’t funny enough.

“There are 29 people here.”

“She brought her own chair. There are 30.”

“No”

“Sarah brought her own chair.”

Error in judgment realized, joke understood, the whole section of the table burst into laughter, girlfriend sits there confused, which is probably part of the reason she didn’t return the next year.

The things I do to get to sit at the foot of the table.*

*To avoid confusion one end of the table is called the “head” and the other is referred to as the “foot.”

*A similar version of this post first appeared on an old blog on November 29, 2012