CP See, CP Do

“Breaststroke, drill, 6 count glide.”

My coach says at some point during practice, somewhere between warm up and the time when I wish I was in bed sleeping.

I love breaststroke, even though my stroke is 100% pull and 0% kick, so just hearing the word “Breaststroke” makes me happy (or slightly less unhappy depending on the previous set).

But hearing the words, “Breaststroke, drill, 6 count glide,” at this point makes me roll my eyes (thank goodness for darkened goggle lenses).

Although it’s my favorite stroke the drills are killer.

Why?

I have no back end to speak of, literally I’m working with half of what everyone else has at their disposal, especially in Breaststroke. I’m well aware of this, at this point almost everyone else is too, but that doesn’t get me out of doing drill work, and on the rare occasion it does I’ve at least tried the drill.

But this time is different. I know I’ve done this drill, my brain just can’t pull it up. So, I turn to my teammate, “It’s pull, 1-2-3-4-5-6, pull, 1-2-3-4-5-6, pull. Right?”

She puts her arms in front of her and does the drill using every verbal cue to match the visual cues. My teammates (and coach) also know I do better with visual cues and having verbal cues doesn’t hurt.

I stay behind as everyone else heads to the other side of the pool. I’m sure I know what I’m doing but I want to be really sure. I scan across the lanes and pick someone to watch.

“The goal isn’t to go fast. Make it clean,” my coach says standing behind me. This isn’t new either. Although I took up swimming a few years ago, drills are still new. My brain is used to stop or go, not maximize what you have to use less energy. She’s now used to giving me a single focus, spelling it out before I completely tire myself out trying to do what I think I’m supposed to be doing.

“Don’t go fast. Make it clean,” I say outload and scan across the lanes one more time before I push off.

Pull.

1-2-3-4-5-6.

Pull.

1-2-3-4-5-6.

Pull.

I’m saying everything in my head while I’m doing it. Keeping my neck long and straight with my head down all while my arms wobble erratically in an effort to keep my body balanced. My chest is starting to burn and I can feel my heart beating lightly in my ears. This doesn’t feel like what I see anyone else doing.

I forgot to breathe. When am I supposed to breathe? Oh, yeah. 5-6.

Pull, breathe.

1-2-3-4-5-6.

Pull, breathe.

It’s better but still awkward. Eventually, pretty much an eternity, later, I touch the wall.

“That was a really nice Butterfly pull at the beginning of that last one,” my teammate says with a smile on her face. She knows I messed up & I didn’t realize it. I didn’t do a Breaststroke pull until my 2nd pull.

I’m mad, but at myself. I can’t even do things I like right, never mind well.

I remind myself why I’m here & why I’ve stayed with this group. A few months ago, I would’ve finished out practice and kicked myself until the next day, at least, over it. Now I know no one really cares how I do the fact that I try to do it is enough.

I’m lucky that I’m with a group of people who care about how I do but help me keep my personal expectations in check. I want to do things perfectly the 1st time every time. No one can do that. When someone laughs, they aren’t always laughing at me, they’re trying to get me to laugh at myself, because they’ve been where I am.

I’ve even luckier that I have a group of people I can watch. I can see it before I do it rather than just thinking I know what I’m supposed to do. I have a good idea of who to watch depending on the stroke, distance, and/or drill, and it really does help.

I sometimes joke that my team is a motor planning think-tank because sometimes it’s how I can get the most out of practice.

  • See it.
  • Plan it.
  • Do it.
  • Make needed changes.

Life Without An Off Switch

There are a lot of analogies that can apply to what it’s like to live with Cerebral Palsy.

For a long time my muscles were like a phone dialing the wrong number.

Then I started telling people I was still working with dial up while they had Wi-Fi (thanks to John W. Quinn for that inspiration).

More recently I’ve referred to my muscles, or more accurately my nervous system, as not having an off switch.

All of these analogies can apply to my experience, and I tend to use them interchangeably. However, there are probably a few more that would apply too.

The only time all of my muscles are ever fully relaxed is during surgery, and possibly when I’m asleep but that’s a stretch.

There’s a sense of pride that comes along with being able to say that you’re “firing on all cylinders,” but there’s a downside to it that doesn’t get talked about as much as it should.

Always being “on” means it’s hard to get adequate rest, making you prone to injury (even weird ones) and making it harder to recover from injury.

There’s also the matter of fuel aka food.

If you use more energy you use more fuel to get that energy.

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I often joke with my teammates that although I don’t always swim the same distance they do I’m actually working at least twice as hard as they do, except I’m not always joking.

Asking my body to sprint is like asking a car to go from 0 to 60 with the parking brake on. I start off OK but I’m quickly left in the dust. Honestly if I can see the feet of someone in front of me than that’s a success, at least for me.

Is it frustrating? Sure. But I’ve made such a dramatic change in my training that I wouldn’t have even considered swimming with these people a year ago.

I’ve made so many changes in my life in the last year that being able to be within striking distance of someone else’s feet is really an accomplishment, if you’re looking at the bigger picture here.

Living without an “off switch” can be a challenge and it always seems to be a learning process but being able to put it in a context, for me that means within swimming, helps solidify it more than I ever thought possible.

Things That Make You Say Ow

A few weeks ago, I woke up & I knew something was wrong. I laid still for a few seconds trying to gather up the courage to admit the truth.

My neck hurt.

I hurt my neck, to put it more accurately.

I could turn it slightly, but not without pain, so much pain I wondered if I’d throw up.

I thought back to the week before: what had I done?

Nothing came to mind.

I was hoping it would go away as quickly as it showed up.

I wasn’t that lucky, when I discovered the potential culprit of my injury I felt downright ridiculous.

I hurt myself by sitting in a chair.

No, I did not fall out of it, just the simple act of sitting in a chair caused this annoyance.

People think that ergonomic chairs are good for everyone, well that’s not exactly true.

Ergonomic chairs, just like normal chairs, are built for normal bodies.

A person who is 4’11” and has CP isn’t normal.

Therefore, my spine turned into a pretzel, more than usual, and my neck took the most punishment.

The first thing that came to mind was, How quick can I get this fixed, I have practice.

(Further proof that I have made the shift to athlete)

I hate missing practice, because even when it’s not fun something about it is fun & I need more opportunities to practice than people who don’t have CP.

Having an injury is also difficult when you have CP.

Because your muscles don’t necessarily have an “off switch” it’s harder to heal, much like getting a cold, the recovery time just takes longer.

And it sucks.

It’s also a delicate balance between giving yourself time to heal but not staying so still that spasticity begins to run amuck, making any injury harder to heal from as well.

It’s an easy cycle to get into but hard to get out of once you’re in it.

One of the most “fun” parts of being an athlete with Cerebral Palsy.

There you go, it’s possible to hurt yourself in any way possible when you have CP.

Then to add insult to injury, pun somewhat intended, it’s harder to recover from it.

Athleticism + CP = ?

Personal note: The timing of this post and the events in my personal life are in the realm of “God laughs at me, all of the time.”

Growing up people always seemed interested in whether or not I had athletic aspirations, conversations which never seemed to go how you would expect. I was always picked last in gym class and never could try out for a team. I was somewhat relieved when I went to a high school that didn’t offer team sports, then my answer could be “my school doesn’t have sports” without further questions. But that didn’t mean that I didn’t have athletic aspirations.

I didn’t think I’d ever become an athlete but now I can’t help but call myself one, if asked. Although I do get more quizzical looks now than I probably would have way back when people would ask about my interest in sports.

People think I swim as part of rehabilitation, that’s how it started but that’s not what it is now. Are their rehabilitative aspects of it, sure, but that’s not the primary goal these days.

I’ve made the mental shift from recreation and rehabilitation to athletic pursuits and then the physical shift followed.

As I spent more time in the pool I realized I needed to spend more time in the gym. The more time I spent at the gym has meant, among other things, that I’ve needed to spend less time picking myself up off the floor after a fall.

The more time I spend at the pool and in the gym the more I ate, and the more attention I paid to what I ate. I can’t just eat whatever I want and expect it to sustain me through a 2 hour swim, just one 25 yard sprint makes that point really fast.

Never mind the fact that people with CP burn calories at a faster rate than able bodied individuals, and that certain foods seem to have adverse effects on muscles prone to spasticity.

If I don’t have the fuel I can’t workout. If I don’t have the right fuel I can’t get the most out of my workouts.

Not everyone can be an athlete, but having a disability doesn’t automatically exclude you from becoming one.

People with CP can be athletes. I know, because I am one.

Becoming A Road Map

Since swimming reentered my life I can’t get enough of it, so much so that I spend far more time thinking about swimming than anything else. The first thing I plan to pack on any trip is a drag suit & pull buoy, just in case there’s a pool nearby.

A visit to my aunt’s place in the dead of winter was no exception, except winter in Florida is like summer in New England. Plus, she lives within walking distance of multiple pools, and we’re not expected to clean a single one, ever. So being asked, “Would you like to go to the pool?” has me in a suit and out the door as fast as my coordination allows.

I learned to swim in her backyard pool (& almost drowned a few times) as a kid so she’s used to my unorthodox methods of navigating in and around a pool. Rarely does she ask if I need help, in fact she rarely says anything, probably knowing how much joy I get from the water.

“You look like a roadmap.”

It’s hard to hide anything physical in a swimsuit. So you can see each and every one of my surgical scars.

The nearly 30-year-old SDR incision is well healed, but still one of my most noticeable scars. The bilateral scars on both sides of my legs from the tendon transfers, that at one point during my Catholic school days, doubled as dress code marker since skirts could be no more than 2 inches above the knee. Then there are the most recent scars that run along my outer thighs that look similar yet distinctly different from each other, proof that a surgeon does have a trademark style of closing an incision. Everything down to the scar tissue that marks where surgical probes were inserted during who-knows-which surgery that gave surgeons information they needed.

It’s not unusual for me to try and hide at least a few of my scars, especially for formal occasions. I want (and would rather) people look at me because I look good, not because they’re wondering why I have 2-foot-long scar along my spine.

I don’t care about any of that, 99.9% of the time, particularly when I’m in a swim suit. My concern is following that black lane on the bottom of the pool, as many times as I can, as fast as I can.

I care more about executing turns and streamlined body positioning than if anyone is wondering about any (or all of) of my scars.

I do look like a roadmap. A roadmap that only tells portions of roads I’ve traveled. In reality they’re just visuals left up to interpretation. I’m sure people see me around the pool and feel pity, or sadness, or courage, or a sense of inspiration. I have no idea. Honestly I think I’d rather not know what people think of me.

I know what I need to know, that without these scars that have made me look like a human roadmap I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. I wouldn’t have returned to the pool or found a sense of freedom I’ve missed out on in the not so distant past.

I’ve been asked why I would want to “destroy” parts of myself when I’m perfectly healthy. It’s a legitimate question but the same people who ask such questions don’t know the need for the so called “destruction”.

Each scar was created with the hope of a better future, and in the process I’ve been created to be a map with no known final destination.

It’s like the movies where the main character is given half of a treasure map and needs to find the other half before the story can be completed.

Preparation + Opportunity = Luck

I’ve been spending far too much time watching the Olympics (like most of the 1st world, I suspect) and I’ll keep doing so until the Paralympic closing ceremonies.

(For those of you with Olympic fever and wished the games would last longer, they in fact do, the Paralympics just aren’t on TV as much).

With the Olympics comes a lot of discussion about what it takes to be an Olympian. I think anyone who is an Olympian will tell you that although the destination is the same, the paths can be different. That’s also what draws people to the Olympics (I think), the stories that the athletes have. I still remember hearing about a swimmer who had some kind of respiratory condition that was like the equivalent of an average person breathing through a straw, and he was a world class athlete.

I remember thinking, if he could be who is and do what he does than I have a chance too.

I don’t remember his name so I have no idea what happened to him, but he still comes to my mind on occasion.

The philosopher Seneca said, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

This has become my philosophy on athletes, especially world class and unknown ones.

People can argue that blessings can get you anywhere you’re meant to be in life but that’s like saying wishing a flight of stairs would turn into an elevator and having it actually happen.

Blessings are great and they do have their place but no amount of blessing is going to make it possible for you to win a gold medal without some amount of training beforehand.

For example, as much as I want to be a world class athlete I have yet to be “blessed” with the resources to even be able to a serious recreational swimmer. But I have been damn lucky and chased every potential opportunity I can come across. I’m not where I want to be but I am putting forth the effort in the unlikely event that one day enough opportunities align themselves to make things a little easier.

It’s nice to call someone blessed but that can downplay the hard work and dedication that goes into achievement. It’s like calling someone an “overnight success” when they’ve been working towards their success for countless years.

Just because you haven’t seen the blood, sweat, and tears, doesn’t mean they didn’t (and don’t) exist.

God is great and everything and unbelievable blessings do happen but not as often as people like to think (not unlike other things in life).

Luck and blessings are real but rarely do they ever come alone. Instead they come mixed in with blood, sweat, tears, disappointment, hard work, early mornings, late nights, busy schedules, sacrifice, and a host of other things you don’t catch on camera.

Sitting On Saints

Catholics have an interesting relationship with saints, we ask for their intersession, visit shrines, we may even stand in line to view their relics (which sometimes includes their actual body).

I admit that I don’t fully understand the significance myself. However, I also need to admit that I have also taken an already misunderstood relationship with saints to a new level.

I sit on them.

(Yeah, you might want to read that again and let it sink in.)

It wasn’t something I was planning on doing, but it just kind of worked out that way.

I made an offhanded comment about whether or not St. Joseph of Cupertino would intercede on behalf of the safety of my wheelchair during flight. Because every wheelchair user has at least one airline horror story that’s wheelchair related. He is the patron saint of air travelers, and I have admitted that I often refer to my chair as a person, so I didn’t think such a question was that far out in left field.

 

And before we go any further, my chair does not share a name with a saint, at least not from what I can gather. Besides, that would be a little too strange.

I had this idea to get a patron saint medal and somehow attach it to my chair. But it just didn’t work out. I might’ve had better luck if I was within walking distance of somewhere that has every patron saint medal under the sun, but that was so long ago now.

It the flurry of preparations for my swim meet the thought resurfaced, although I had no idea if there was indeed a patron saint for swimmers. I knew of St. Sebastian, patron saint of athletes, but I wanted to find something a little closer, if at all possible. Because I really could use all the help I could get, even if I doubted it would make a difference.

There seems to be a saint for nearly everything, until you get specific.

It turns out there is a patron saint of swimmers/swimming, Saint Adjutor of Vernon, who, escaped, apparently swimming to freedom.”

Considering my history with swimming and my goal of not drowning during a race it seemed like a good fit.

I embarked on my original mission, with a different saint, get a patron saint medal and somehow attach it to my chair. However, finding anything on obscure saints is a challenge, and if it isn’t, it costs more money than you want to spend given one’s individual needs.

I got the idea of putting something inside my seat instead. Wheelchair seating typically comes in layers so it wouldn’t be completely out of the realm of possibility to slide something under the cover and leave it there. But if the top layer gets wet it tends to seep all the way through, requiring a complete dismantle of the entire cushion, which is if nothing else, annoying.

I found a workable solution however.

Yup, pictures of saints in plastic baggies.

I slide them into my seat cushion and no one knows any difference (well now you do, because I said something).

There you have it, I sit on various saints, albeit in the spirit of intersession & reverence.

 

Luck Is For The Unprepared

A few months ago I achieved a lifelong dream. I’m not exaggerating either.

I dove into a pool. Nothing unusual really, except this time I dove in after a buzzer.

I (finally) swam in a meet.

When I showed up for my first team practice in the fall I knew competing could be a possibility, but I kept my expectations low. Even when the email was sent with available meets I didn’t answer. Why would someone think I would compete? Why would I expect the “OK” after two decades? I settled for being able to be on a team, that was enough.

It wasn’t until I saw “TBD” next to my name that I thought my coach might be serious about my entering a competition, even still I was prepared to hear “No,” right up until I was at the end of the lane waiting for those three magic words “Take your mark.”

So how did the day go?

There’s a saying, “Luck is for the unprepared.”

If there’s any grain of truth in that at all then I got lucky, really lucky.

I set really low goals for myself for the meet, so low in fact that my coach had to talk me into raising them a bit.

Still, my only goals were to not come in dead last, if I didn’t drown first.

I was planning on swimming in 6 events, which ended up being 5 the day of the event, which ended up being 4 because of a disqualification at the start of one race, which really ended up being a blessing when was all was said and done.

I was happy with how I swam, even if I wasn’t really looking forward to swimming in some events, and would have preferred to swim others. I prepared for what I planned for and planned what I prepared for.

I didn’t come in dead last or drown either.

I prepared myself in any way I could. I scheduled extra practices in a colder pool, because everyone kept telling me how freezing the pool would be. I asked hundreds of questions. I researched and planned my meals. I sought out ways to become faster. I had contingency plans for my contingency plans. I even attempted to desensitize my nervous system to the starting bell.

Being my first meet I needed to get classified first, which included a swim. Having no idea what to expect in that respect I was extremely happy with how it went. I was also happy I invited a friend to come along, because in hindsight I have no idea what I would’ve done without him.

I had some time between my classification and the warm up time so I had something to eat and reviewed the plan for the day, again.

Everyone was right about the pool. It was freezing but I had prepared myself for much worse so I convinced myself that once I got going I’d be fine. And true to form I collided with a teammate, which was even captured on film. As funny as I found the moment I hope “collide with another swimmer” doesn’t end up on my list of pre-race rituals.

I had decided pretty quickly that I should have someone on deck with me so I asked my friend if he would stay on the deck rather than head up to the bleachers. I figured at some point I might need someone to peel me off the roof and if there was one person there capable of doing the job it’s him. I guess that’s what happens when you share so many interests, you’ve been friends for over a decade and he’s peeled me off a ceiling or two before.

Little did I realize how much I’d need him for practical matters, like remembering my heat and lane numbers or when would be a good time to eat something.

My first race was one of my most comfortable strokes but I was focused most of my worry on turns. Short course pool means more turns. If my third race was my first race I think I would’ve been a complete mess the whole day so having a race I was more confident in helped a great deal.

It was after I touched the wall after my first race when I realized how far out of my comfort zone I was and how much I would need to rely on the practice I had put in, pure adrenaline, and my self-confidence.

I couldn’t see a thing (for one). Without my glasses I can’t see much. I didn’t realize just how much until I was somewhere I had never been before, which is a problem when you need to get in the correct lane and/or see the flags hanging over the pool. But it does give me the opportunity to swim my own race, because I can’t see anyone else.

The day went by fairly quickly I think I only looked at the clock (meaning a traditional wall clock) once and made a comment about how it couldn’t possibly be so late in the day (even though I had had a pretty long day at that point).

It was probably a good thing I had the schedule I did for two reasons 1) There was little to no time to think about the details I concerned myself with for countless practices and 2) my muscles didn’t have much time to become too tight, or too loose.

I won’t say that having some of my expectations for the meet met made me happy with how the day went because it’s not exactly true. More than anything the meet gave me a chance to really see what I need to work on for next time, because I wasn’t even out of the pool after my first race before I knew there would be a next time.

Even though I was able achieve a lifelong dream I now know how unprepared I was for the day, even with all of the preparation I had put in. If luck is indeed for the unprepared then I can honestly say I was one of the luckiest people on the planet for at least one day in my life.

On Marathons & Misconceptions

There used to be a meme floating around F@cebook about F@cebook in college vs F@cebook in your 20s & 30s, basically in college your timeline is full of party pictures and other events whereas in your 20s & 30s your feed is filled with baby pictures and marathon times.

Well the joke’s on social media because the 20s & 30s timeline started in my college days, at least the marathon times part.

For as long as I can remember I’ve been friends with people who have considered themselves runners, probably just as long as I’ve had swimmer friends. In fact, I had friends who would just run laps around the playground at recess. I’d sit there and watch, wondering what the appeal was, because even if I could run there’s no way you’d see me doing it, especially for fun.

I’ve even had housemates who have never run a marathon before run in one because we lived in a town that hosted a marathon every year, while I stayed home and watched Walk The Line, again. Yup, I’m that person that can’t even be bothered to get up early to wish people luck, although I’m pretty sure I told at least one of them “just don’t die,” at some point before the day of the race.

During the 1st group retreat I made in the Northwest while people were asking each other how they liked their new homes. At this point most of the runners in the group were aware of the fact that my house was in a marathon city. There was a small window during that weekend where I thought we’d have countless people in our house, people we barely knew. Although I don’t think it would’ve bothered me as much by the time of the marathon came around, a small part of me is thankful that it never came to fruition.

I remember one person in particular asking me if I had heard about the marathon and if I was considering running it. Now I realize that at this point she had only just met me but I thought it was pretty clear that I was having some trouble getting around the wide open spaces of Eastern, flatter than flat, Montana. But then she asked if I ever thought of getting “one of those wheelchairs you can run with,” before I could laugh.

I explained that it was hard enough to get anything covered by insurance and something like a racing chair is horribly expensive, especially if it’s made well and for the user (which it should be whenever possible), and not covered by insurance because it’s considered recreational. Still she encouraged me to consider it “because people with disabilities run all the time.”

Lest we forget I find staring at a black line at the bottom of the pool a lot less boring than running just because. I’m aware it makes no sense to a majority of people but I’m not one of those people. I admit that running a marathon is mentally and physically challenging (like swimming) it’s just not a challenge I’d find fulfilling (I don’t think).

That being said if the so-called “runner’s high” is even a fraction of the rush you get after a sprint set with a new personal best time then I maybe, sort of, kind of, understand why people run.

I think the able-bodied community has misconceptions about persons with disabilities and sports. In my case it seems to be that people think I’m all into every sport I can get into or I participate in sports as a form of therapy (and I’m sure there are others out there I just haven’t heard them). The truth is, neither one is the case, for reasons to lengthy to get into here and now.

Honestly I had a negative point of view of adaptive sports for many years, partly because they seemed too separate from “real sports” for me. Also I was usually one of the least disabled kids participating so I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just play with the normal kids, because I saw myself as more able-bodied than disabled.

Once I understood the true nature of adaptive sports I kept my ear to the ground but wasn’t very optimistic because adaptive sports costs money, just like able-bodied sports. And at that point, as well as this point, I don’t have much money for stuff I might quit anyway.

People with disabilities are more like those without disabilities than people think. I think I’ve said this before, and more than once. We’re just as apt to like sports or not like sports as everyone else.

However, I will say that whether or not someone has spent most of their life in physical therapy in exchange of, or in addition to normal childhood sports related activities can have an effect on whether or not they’ll participate in recreational sports later on.

Let’s not forget that things like having surgery and the recovery process can be marathons within themselves.

I realize that I probably just contradicted myself but my last 3 points in particular were ones that I feel needed to be made, even if it does make my point less clear, because my points, like life, aren’t always clear but still important.

Running is great, but it isn’t for everybody, regardless of ability. If the only grounds for participating in an activity was the slightest chance of basic ability, then almost anyone or rather almost everyone would participate in Ironman Kona, climb Kilimanjaro, be a multi gold medal winning Olympian, and God only knows what else.

Not everyone is meant to be good or interested in everything but if you know someone (or are someone) with a genuine interest in an activity, especially physical, be as supportive as possible (or try to seek out as much support as possible). Desire is one thing. Talent is another. Access is yet another, which is often overlooked and/or taken for granted.

The Difference Between Want & Can

I can’t remember when I learned the difference between “want” and “can” but I’m pretty sure I knew the difference before I learned how to spell them or how to use them correctly in a sentence.

I haven’t mastered the discernment between the two but most of the time the choice is made for me (and I have scars and many more childhood memories to prove it). I use what I’ve learned in future decision making, and that usually means I become more cautious. Sometimes this system serves me well, other times, not so much.

I took up swimming again as a way to possibly heal my hip and get some additional exercise while doing something I truly loved, what it’s evolved into is so much more. I’ve not only gotten some hard physical healing but also mental challenges I wasn’t expecting. I still find swimming relaxing but not in the typical way people think when they think of the word “relax.”

One of the benefits of swimming with a coach is discovering new boundaries for “want to” and “can do,” and it doesn’t always come from your coach.

Whenever I’ve been asked what I want to swim I always say something I’ve wanted to do for as long as I’ve wanted to be a competitive swimmer and I usually end with “You asked what I wanted to do, not what I thought I could do, because those are two completely different things.”

I can’t be the 1st human on the planet to voice such a sentiment and I’m certainly not the 1st one to ever feel this way.

One of the best, albeit weirdest, gifts Cerebral Palsy gives a person is the knowledge that “want” and “can” aren’t words that can be used interchangeably without a certain level of determination and hard work. There are times when you do get lucky but it’s not often.

We want to do things but sometimes our muscles, thanks to our brains, won’t let us. The difference between “want” and “can” is easier to figure out, but make no mistake that doesn’t make it easier to accept.

Plus, the divide between the worlds of “want” and “can” are often further apart for people with neuro-muscular conditions, which CP is.

Sometimes changing your “want” to be more in line with the “can” is in order, other times it takes a lot of work because changing the “want” just isn’t possible. And again, sometimes you just get lucky, which usually comes after a lot of hard work.

I’ll give you a few practical examples:

Zachary knew he couldn’t be a professional baseball player but that didn’t mean he couldn’t write about sports.

John wanted to join the Navy but couldn’t after he failed the physical so he went home and practiced until he could pass the physical.

I want to swim a 200m IM (because a 400m IM is just too insane, even for me) but I can’t without putting in some serious training time first.

I’ve learned to appreciate the differences between “want” and “can.” I don’t always like how big of a difference there is between the two but that often brings up a question which needs to be answered:

How bad do you want it?